Procrastination, Quarantine & Working from Home | Freelance

So you’re at home. Or will be. And you thought hey, maybe this a good opportunity to get that… we’re gonna call it… project for intents and purposes. You’ll get that project done! Yeah! You’re excited and can’t wait to get a crack at it. It’s amazing. You’re feeling the creative juices owing. It’s getting there. YEAH! FUCK YEAH!

You’re so excited, you get to the door and walk back to the chair… you know to get your juices owing. You’re in your chair doing…. Your project (or wherever you do your project) and then you remember you have not sanitized. “ Let’s wash our hands and KILL CORONA!” and then stop for a second “sorry I mean COVID-19!” you feel intellectual and consider your career as a scientist and imagine yourself as a sexy (roar) scientist combating a global pandemic with other sexy scientists and fighting the shit out of this thing.

But then you remember, you don’t have a science degree (if you do then, you remember you’re actually fighting it) and then settle for the sexy and then wash your hands singing the chorus of Justin Timberlake “Sexy Back” while imagining several romances with several sexy scientists and suddenly fighting the pandemic feels like a soap op- era. You’re slightly ashamed but slightly curious about where these fictitious love triangles could go.

Boom. You remember “FUCK MY … PROJECT” and get back to your PC. So you either google online or scrounge up some data and research. However, Google isn’t your friend. He’s your best friend. He knows exactly what you like! It’s amazing! “ Yes! I am in the mood for tibs! But I am fasting but with this tasty soya! I CAN SO FUCKING ROCK THAT TIBS” You cook the “Tibs” but you remember… you’re not fasting! And you should’ve just settled for that shiro you made the other night.

SHIT! YOUR PROJECT! OMG!

You panic and you sit back down and then you decide to put your music on. Oops you haven’t washed your hands in like an hour so you go to the sink. Your stomach sinks… FUCK NO WATER! How do they expect us to fight this thing if we can’t even wash our hands? The hypocrisy just gets to you! It’s unbelievable! (IT IS ACTUALLY UNBELIEVABLE! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS OUTSIDE OF AD- DIS WHERE ACCESS TO WATER IS STILL AN ISSUE AND THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE INTERNET IN SOME REGIONS!!! HOW ON EARTH…UGH!) and so you vent on facebook. But you soon and out, google isn’t your best friend. IT’s FACEBOOK! OMG PEOPLE ARE FUNNY! SUPPORTIVE AND SHIT! You see that girl you’ve been meaning to ask out and slide into her DM… it turns out surprisingly well… this is very happy. A very happy moment. She asks you

“Hey” *sexy girl voice* “so what do you do?” You’re answering. Then you remember about your project. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! SHIT!

You go back to your…um project and really focus. But halfway through… you remember…. GOD DAMN IT THE SEXY SCIENTIST GIRL YOU’VE BEEN CHATTING UP!

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

You answer back….

You wait

You anxiously wait…

SHE ANSWER! YEAH!

You tell her about your project. A romance buds. You tell her you have to get back to work. But then you remember… Shit! I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS!

You go wash your hands… but suddenly feel hungry. You go to the fridge. You choose between the “Tibs” and your “shiro” and you go for both.

Then… boom you get an idea. That completely obliterates your previous project! But then, your boss calls you

“Listen! DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?”

“no! I haven’t”

“COVID-19 has been blown out of space by aliens! Literally! We’re all welcoming them! Come to work on Monday ! AND NO PERSONAL PROJECTS! The aliens don’t like that!”

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